my first Christmas "gift"

I have to write about this 'gift' I received.

But when it was given to me, I was panting and glad to know I was alive :- )

You see, I dreamed that I was dead.

There's no funeral. No lines. No longing faces. No wailing. No tears. I was just in a box and I was seeing it from a point of view of someone playing an RPG game. It's like I was on the bed and looking at the ceiling. But I was dead :- )

I wasn't afraid.

I just felt sorry to leave my beautiful wife, Beb. But later on, the feeling evolved to an understanding of and a realization of - I should have dared more. I should have pushed more. I should have ran after my dreams harder and tried to make it into a reality.

I was sad that I did not and that I can not do anything about it now that I am 'dead'. And when I was about to cry - I woke up.

I now grasped that it is really better to have honestly tried, had the chance of succeeding but landed and felt the sting and the punch of a 'failed attempt' rather than no attempt at all.

I get that now. 'First hand' :- )

And I am thankful, Lord. I am. Accept my tears and the emotions that goes with it. Emotions that I can not even begin to describe. But You know them, Lord.

I am thankful. Grateful.

Signed,
Elisier "Lion of Judah"

"... why think like mere men!"